oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize