you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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