Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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