Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
