it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
