Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
