I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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