i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
