Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
