he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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