opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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