bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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