their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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