Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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