So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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