ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
