Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize