sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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