Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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