i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
