Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
