It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
