My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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