put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
