good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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