Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
