He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
