So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
