Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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