Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
