you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
