I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
