Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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