I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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