I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
