OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
