So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
