apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
