my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize