I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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