Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
