you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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