If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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