Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
