i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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