My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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