There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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