I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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