I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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