K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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