dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
