I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
