he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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