So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
