I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
