somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
