just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
