genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
