THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
