see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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