You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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