I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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