grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
