the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
