If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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