I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize