she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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